Last Place 21 - Open Solutions 11

GLASTONBURY

This was not the way they would have written it.

Open Solutions played its inaugural softball game tonight. The pitching was wild, the hitting was weak, the fielding was spotty, and the throws were as unpredictable as a Hollywood love affair -- just when you thought the throw was going to Angelina, it ended up with Jen.

Worse, their softball savvy (running the bases, backing up throws, throwing to the right base or hitting the cutoff) was, well, about as savvy as Roseanne Barr at Emily Post's School of Etiquette.

But for one glorious inning, the softball world belonged to Open Solutions.

In the bottom of the 4th, Team OSI sent 15 batters to the plate, led by Barb "AARP" Kimball and Rob “Where's the Beer” Wisniewski, who both had two hits in the inning. It was as if the softball angels had settled on the Open Solutions' bench, perhaps to pinch one of Rob's beers. Every ground ball skittered just under an outstretched Last Place glove; every fly found the soft grass between frustrated fielders; every Last Place throw was too wide, too low, too late.

When the inning was over, Open Solutions had scored a miraculous nine runs. And an 11 - 0 Last Place laugher was suddenly a contest, 11 to 9, and Open Solutions was a team.

The final score (LP 21, OSI 11) was meaningless. The goal of the game was for Open Solutions to not be embarrassed, to play as a team, and mostly, to have fun. That game was won in a rout.

Not that the evening wasn't without its expected first game moments. Frantic cries of “Who's up next?!” and “How many outs are there?” were frequent. There were also moments of Bad News Bears-type collisions and running in circles. And a number of players came off the field with noticeable limps. Some overheard after-game moans included, "I heard a pop", "My shins are on fire", and "I think I hurt my ass."

Luckily, Open Solutions next game isn't until Thursday, May 31--over a week's worth of rest and rehab.

The long wait will also give the team a chance to better set up their beer-smuggling operation. Tuesday's game featured a last minute, sixth-grade clever idea of emptying beer can after beer can into a picnic cooler, filling water bottles from the cooler spout, and then sucking the beer from the nozzle of the water bottle.

Pardon me if I opt for a Diet Coke, thank you.

"They were sweating for an inning or two, and that alone was worth it. We had fun and we played better than I expected," was a common refrain after the game. "Sure they scored 21 runs, but it was closer than it sounds.”

Well...sort of. At least the team played above their own ankle-high expectations. Only Darren Murray, who entered the game in the first after Mark “But I don't want to be a captain” Starybrat came limping off the field, had a game worthy of mention (3 for 3, 3 RBI).

There was some guy on the other team who had two home runs and bunch of RBI, but who cares.

Open Solutions may have begun its season with a 10-run loss, they may be in last place, they may have little hope for winning a single game this season, but for one perfect inning they were the best there is.

How to savor such a moment? Half the team went home to a handful of aspirin and a Bengay-rotten bath. The other half went off into the night to hang out in a hotel parking lot and drink warm beer from a picnic cooler.

You can't teach class